


it's all the same thing

by InsideMyBrain



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Self-Doubt, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, alternate POV, of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 18:12:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12563256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsideMyBrain/pseuds/InsideMyBrain
Summary: Fiona knows, later, when she's lying in the barracks, the Queequeg all dark and its machinery humming softly, that she'll begin to doubt herself. She'll replay the moments with him over and over in her mind, and in spite of the soft pink blush that will spread over her cheeks, she'll wonder: is any of this real?





	it's all the same thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ordinarylittleme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordinarylittleme/gifts).



Fiona knows, later, when she's lying in the barracks, the Queequeg all dark and its machinery humming softly, that she'll begin to doubt herself. She'll replay the moments with him over and over in her mind, and in spite of the soft pink blush that will spread over her cheeks, she'll wonder: _is any of this real?_

It's the same thing that happened last night, when she first met him. That day had been peppered with all the signs that Fiona thought were normal in this circumstance - a twitchy nervousness, flushed cheeks, and stomach jumping and flopping like a dying fish. He was so handsome in that classic way: dark curly hair and a pale, shapely face with lips so soft and so utterly kissable. They seemed to instantly connect, and all throughout that first day Fiona felt a little like she was floating.

Until she went to bed, at which point she felt like an anchor was tied to her. She was lonely, and painfully aware of it. With that awareness came the fear of projection. For she had a need, a yearning for affection, such as was human nature. But she didn't know if she truly liked him, or if she was just latching onto the nearest possible source of this affection.

_What's a crush when you're just projecting?_ She asked herself, lying in bed and looking at their glasses, folded up next to each other. _Who do you love when you can't love, but desperately want to? Why are you so unsure? Why are all the lines blurring?_ She rolled over, miserable tears dripping onto the pillow, and wished she didn't feel so empty inside.

Now though, holding his hand as they swim through dark, murky water, she feels light again. The water feels like a comforting blanket, as long as he's holding her hand. In the back of her mind is the gnawing doubt, growing like a poisoned mushroom spore, but for now she has an antidote.

For now.

When they get back, the Queequeg is empty. All thoughts of Klaus go out the portholes when she realizes her stepfather is missing. He's abandoned her. And then Sunny turns out to be poisoned, and the rest of the day is a whirlwind of research and sneaking and plotting and changing sides until -

“When you think of me, think of a food you love very much.”

She doesn't get the chance to doubt herself.

She leans in and kisses him very softly, gently, like she's afraid of startling him awake. Like it's a dream they can all wake up from.

How she wishes that were so.

She thinks she feels a spark of something real in that short-lived show of affection, but she can't be sure. It's all the same thing, anyway.


End file.
